I’ve been screamed at for what seems like 12 straight hours. As soon as one is content or asleep, another kid breaks down or wakes up the sleeping one (who only happens to nap in someone’s arms). I look forward to days at home with my kids, but in reality it seems like everyone is having a fuss fest all day.
Is it just me?
Are my expectations too high?
To be perfectly honest, I’m always feeling divided. When I’m home, I want to be at work where I’m not being clung to or screamed at. When I’m at work, I long to be home with my kids.
I feel like I have been given a gift by God to share with the world and to love his people through that work he has called me to. I know that in my work I am striving to create more wholeness and restoration in this world as a sort of foreshadowing of the restoration that is to come when heaven comes to Earth. But I also very much know that my children—this most precious and prayed-for gift—are my top priority.
I feel guilty when I am home that I am not working, and guilty when I am away from my family at work.
How can this be and why might this be?
And is this just me?
I ask my mom or grandma if the kinds cling and whine for them all day like what is my experience and I always get a resounding no. Unless they’re just trying to not make me feel bad, it really seems like your kids are harder on parents than anyone else. I would guess that this is across the board and is actually not just me.
So what can be done about it to make home life more enjoyable for our little ones and for us moms?
I think a lot of it comes down to lowering expectations. I don’t have 2-3 kids with me when I go to work all day, so why do I think that I can realistically plan out a whole day’s worth of housework and phone calls and errands when I have my kids demanding my time and attention?
I think a lot of my mental fatigue comes from trying to divide my attention literally all day long. What if I just stopped trying to scrub countertops and fold laundry for a little bit and just sat in the floor and played with my kids?
I think it would be freeing for me as much as it is a comfort to them. The times I’ve had enough sense to put away my agenda, we’ve all been profoundly blessed in our home routines. My kids find comfort in the fact that they are being valued and seen and poured into with life-giving interaction. And I find that I literally have more life to give to them.
This, here, is my priority. They are not a task to be checked off a list but souls to be nurtured and delighted in.
There are times when you need to get things done around the house. If I just played with my kids all day we would probably starve and be filthy and not have clean clothes to wear. But there is something to be said about finding balance and carving out times to give your undivided attention.
Eye contact. Snuggling and hugs. Silliness and giggling. Delighting in the little things they delight in and then openly expressing that delight.
These things go a long way and I would do well to remember this when I try to place my home’s appearance above the people that actually make this place home.
As moms, multitasking is sometimes worn like a badge of honor. But I think solo-tasking is an often-forgotten skill that’s actually a gift from God.
What expectations can we gladly set aside today to invest life into our families?
For me, I’m going to quit writing this post and put this phone down and simply watch this precious baby sleeping in my arms!
